Doubling the job search

Dear Readers,
I'm so sorry I didn't do a post on Tuesday! I meant to, really really, but it just didn't happen.

Here's an update on my publishing journey. My "official" internship with Robert Astle ended yesterday. But halt your tears. No crying for me! I decided to stay on--woo hoo! The Boss was incredibly cool and said he understands how brutal it is out there and that I could stay a little longer while I'm still looking for a full-time gig, so of course I said yes. There's no way I could keep getting the same experience, meet the kind of awesome people, and do the incredible things I love without having a place like Robert Astle & Associates to work. Now I can even pick up another client!

But inside, I can't help but be a little disappointed. I just can't afford to stay full-time; I'm going to need to find a part-time job, which means I'm only going to be at the agency part-time. I have to cut back my responsibilities, so there's going to be less variety in my slush, less all day doing what I love. I sound really greedy and spoiled, don't I? I don't mean to. What I'm trying to say is that I feel like taking a non-related job is a step back, not a step forward. And even though this really doesn't mean anything, I'm afraid it's just the first of many steps down a path that leads me farther and farther away from where I want to be--the publishing world.

I know I need money. I'm incredibly lucky to have my family behind me, giving me a place to stay and almost everything I need. But sometimes I feel like they're sick of me now, like it's "you're a burden already." And the worst part is, I kind of agree--I know I'm not contributing anything. I don't want to be a burden on the relatives I'm living with, on my parents who work hard to financially support me so that I can be happier than they ever were. Both of them gave up their dream careers. They know how important this is to me. And I'll always be grateful to them for what they're doing.

I try not to be a parasite and I remind myself that I'm not sitting at home watching cartoons all day--I'm working toward a goal--a full-time, editorial entry level job in the publishing industry. (So strange, to be looking for both full-time and part-time work.) I WANT to work, but I can't do something that doesn't challenge me, that I don't love. And I believe in the importance of what I'm doing. I believe that books change lives.

So I've devised a way to keep publishing in mind while working a second job. How about working in a book store?!?! Anyone in NYC hiring? For someone who loves matching people to books it sounds like an excellent choice, no? While I'd still rather be editing full-time, (don't hit me for the cliche) I've gotta do what I've gotta do. The dream is calling, after all. Wish me luck tomorrow--maybe my previously luckless resume will get some attention. And maybe I'll make some connections.

Sincerely,

Rayna